Let Me Just Be Thankful

I am so grateful for the weekend! But you know what? It was merely Saturday yesterday but I already feel the dread of Monday :( 

It's because of my hearing. My trainer is very nice and patient. It's me. I am getting an inferiority complex because of my hearing. I am embarrassed coz I don't hear them much even if my left ear is okay due to the hearing aid I borrowed from my mom. My right ear cannot hear much still even if I wear the hearing aid.  I am praying once I have my own hearing aid customized for me, I can hear them all better wherever they are. I'll try to practice later for both ears. 

I am still learning the system but I can do that. In the training manual, it's like 1.5 months of training. I pray for your miracle on me, God. That I may be able to hear them all wherever they are in the office. Please give me the confidence to work and communicate. I am basically an ambivert. Let me acclimatize well, let me blend in well. For that to happen, I need to hear them all wherever they are in the office. 

I cannot just quit because I need this, I want this. I don't want to disappoint my family not because they are pinning their hopes on me but because they are very supportive especially my mom. I also want to help them my own way. 

Please, God, take away my anxiety. Let me just do my best and let me just trust in You that You are guiding me, leading me, and that You put me here not to humiliate me, not to embarrass me, but to enrich me. 

Prayers work wonder. I will keep on praying that I do good in this job and that I will keep on going. 

I am thinking of applying still in the Philippines and if I get a job that is high paying and stable, that should be a sign that I will go back. Good stable job, while I get my life insurance, get a house, save, and be with my daughter. I'll explore the VA job too. I need a solid income. 

God, I know You are leading me where I should be. I might have plans of my own, I will do them. But even with these, it's You I will trust. Please lead me where I should be.

Instead of worrying, let me just be thankful that You have provided for me once again, as always. I just really need to be confident and I need to hear well. 

Again, prayers work wonder. I will keep on praying. Please, lead the way, God. And let me stop worrying because I have been praying and You have always saved me. 

Let me just believe in You, God. Believe in Your mercy, Your power. 

I don't want dread, anxiety, fear, worry, doubt, feeling sorry for myself. I am praying to feel comfort, gratefulness, excitement, faith. Let me stop comparing myself. Let me just be me as I improve myself. 

God, I really need You to calm my thoughts, to let me feel calmness and comfort. I know You will make me feel them. It has always been like that. The sudden surge of comfort, ease, overflowing faith, calmness come to me and I know it's You. I need that God. Please. Thank You.

Yesterday I went out with my family and we ate. I love the feeling that we are together as a family. It has a calming feeling. Thank You, God, for that.